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Extracts from The Book of Mozilla

1:0 Mozilla Rules!

The Book of Mozilla

1:7b And so the beast became agile. The unbelievers fell silent and the followers of Mammon were left behind. The beast had been improved and awaited the release of the great FireFox.

The Book of Mozilla (Red Letter Edition)

2:9 The great bird circled to the ground, landing amidst the rude burning huts of the unbelievers, and assumed the shape of a fox. The fox spoke clearly and luringly, giving the unbelievers a present in shape of their unholy containers. The unbelievers heeded the cunning beast, carrying the present to their places of worship, only to note the box contained an even more luring present.

The Book of Mozilla

3:20 Then the Lizard brought forth a minion that bore the number of four. And the minion served the Sorcerer well. But some said it had grown too fat.
(21) Many years came to pass, and the Blue One made more Explorers of the Web. And one of them he fixed atop the Sorcerer's desktop; So that no man would go seek the Lizard. And the plan worketh well.
(22) And the Lizard grew worried and weakened from that and only few turned their eyes toward the old Lizard and remained true to his heritage.
(23) And the Big One, that bears the Sign of Trinity, took over the Lizard to make him do his own bidding, since the Lizard was weak and worried.
(24) But the Lizard did not grieve long and opened up his Book of Secrets. So friends of the Lizard could make their own minions out of the Book.
(25) And the Lizard gave birth to a New Lizard to look after the Open Book. And Mozilla was the name of the New Lizard as it was whispered among those who were enlightened.
(26) There was much rejoycing as people greeted the New Lizard and people people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large toothpaste tubes and pigeons. But of lizards they did not feast upon.
(27) A year came to pass, and the ones close to the Lizard saw a new minion as it grew from the Book.
(28) But alas; For the Book had been kept in bad places, and it was full of locusts.
(29) And the New Lizard did grew angry and said that the Old Book was cursed and threw it far. And the weak minion did perish.
(30) The New Lizard took out a book that was new and blank all over and spake that Lizard shall give birth to a new beast. And that five shall be the number of the beast.

The Book of Mozilla

3:31 And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble.

The Book of Mozilla (Red Letter Edition)

3:32 But the true lord of the beast shall remain a little lizard they did name the Gecko. The beast shall change skins and he shall be wowen out of the fabric of the Mighty Web itself. And Zool shall follow in the tracks of the beast. And the ones that have remained true to the Lizard shall see the fiery sea of glass glistening with lit windows bearing its mark.

The Book of Mozilla

6:37 And the fat beast shall be made whale like. Its numbers shall viscously ooze unto the web. The din of a trillion calories like unto a great hail of putrid blubber shall plague the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall laugh.

The Book of Mozilla Blubber (Yellowish White Whale Letter Edition)

7:5.77 And out of the darkness, a savior shall come forth. All those that oppose will be cleansed from the Earth in a terrible rain of fire and thunder...

The Book of Mozilla

7:15 And they watched as the beast cast off its chains, and with a terrible roar, burst forth and slew those who had bound it. And for days the rivers ran red with their lifeblood.

The Book of Mozilla

7:15 And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.

The Book of Mozilla (Red Letter Edition)

The followers of Mammon breathed with relief as the great Bird of Fire disappeared, but did not see until the smoke cleared that in its place stood a Fox prepared to vanquish Mammon with its own fire and claws and teeth. With the Bird of Thunder watching from above, it went forward to the halls of Mammon.

The Book of Mozilla

7:24 An enormous sigh of relief resounds throughout all of Mozillaland. Sounds of rejoicing are heard from all corners of the Earth. "They have conquered the beast!" the voices cry. And the dimensions remain constant 'till the end of days.

The Book of Mozilla

8:2 And, lo, from the darkness they emerged: a host of the faithful to aide the reborn beast in its quest to reclaim the land. Together they extended the power of the beast and spread the good news of its return. One by one the followers of Mammon were converted and their hearts were set aflame.

(Apocryphal Fragment awaiting verification and link)

8:4 The followers despaired as the great bird, its mind destroyed by the Pragma, the followers of Mammon, collapsed to the ground, its fire dampened, its very life extinguished. Then the followers gasped as the bird began to change, its form warping, moving and shifting. Until the bird that so many had cherished and worshipped was gone. Instead there was a mighty fox, its red fur burning with the great fire that the followers remembered. The Pragma looked on in horror as the fox rose to its feet and raised its head, its eyes burning with Power, and the followers rejoiced in happiness. For the Fire Bird was gone, but the Fire Fox had replaced it.

The Book of Mozilla 8:4-10

8:10 Lo, the bird of fire was magnificent! But a roiling storm was brewing to the south, and dark clouds loomed on the horizon. The bird knew a grim conflict was close at hand and that it could not triumph in its current form. It sat very still, contemplating the situation. Suddenly, in a flash of light and flame, the bird took the form of a great fox the likes of which had never been seen in this land. The dark clouds were scattered to the wind. And all who witnessed this spectacle were awed by its power.

The Book of Mozilla

8:11 And Mammon, in his darkness, saw a great bird land. Frightened and cold in his heart he watched as the fire ran like a fox over the land of men. For the fox was a descendant of the great Beast and it absorbed Mammon's power.

The Book of Mozilla 8:11-12

8:12 And there was a great commotion among the believers and nonbelievers alike, for they saw a great fox of fire and knew not its true nature. But just then a faithful believer extended his hand, and offered a gift to the fiery fox. And the fox was enabled to show its true nature as an ever-changing being, and it turned into a great oyster of power. And the oyster opened its shell, revealing a dazzling pearl to all who would look upon it.

The Book of Mozilla - Extended Edition

8:14 And though the Bird came unto its own, its own did not receive it. Instead they drove the Bird away with a mighty din of wails and gnashing of teeth. At this the followers of Mammon did delight, for it is written:
The great shall bend to the small, for two with one name can not abide together.
The delight of the unbelievers did turn to despair, for the Bird was more clever than other creatures and, having the heart of a Phoenix, it renewed itself once again. Taking the very form of cleverness, the Fox laid its plans, for it had surveyed the domain of Mammon from on high and would return again in victory.

The Book of Mozilla 8:14-18

8:20And thus the Creator looked upon the beast reborn and saw that it was good.

The Book of Mozilla 8:20

8:21 Then, tired of exploring, the followers of Mammon didst rest. And lo, from the depths of the bird cameth a mighty fox. And casting even fire the beast didst smote eighty of every hundred unbelievers. Yet even now, its strength was not complete, its time had not yet come.

The Book of Mozilla 8:21-24

8:23 The elementals fought and sent back the armies of Mammon to the inner world. The scribe ended the inspired parchments, letting the believers cry over that new view on Earth. Long after the thunder and the fire, came the sun and finally the long awaited rainbow...

The Book of Mozilla 8:23

8:27 And then there was a great commotion among the believers and nonbelievers alike, for they saw a great Fox of fire and knew not its true nature. But just then a faithful believer extended his hand, and offered a gift to the great Fox. And the Fox was enabled to show his true nature as an ever-changing being, and he turned into a great Oyster of Power. And the Oyster opened its shell, revealing a dazzling pearl to all who would look upon it.

The Book of Mozilla 8:27-30

9:2 And should thou wish to escape the burden of thy frames And should thou wish to grant this escape to thy readers Then reach forth thy hand and create a third frame in which Thou must place two links.

These links, of a written and clickable nature, shalt say [View Index Alone] and [View Page without Index] or other words of wisdom great and context sure.

and each shall call a JavaScript function. And each function shall call a location. And this location shall be recovered from the frames.

And the target, great and mighty, alone in its power to direct the course of man and web broswser, this target you shall call _TOP

And it is written in the book of Mozilla that thou shalt include the height and width attributes for all gifs in thy pagse

The Book of Mozilla

And it is written in the book of Mozilla that thou shalt include the height and width attributes for all gifs in thy pages for all the days of thy life. The days as well as the nights. And he reached out his hand and lo! the page worked the first time.

The Book of Mozilla

11:1 And when the Beast had taken the quarter of the Earth under its rule, a quarter hundred Birds of Sulfur flew from the Depths. The birds crossed hundreds of mountain views and found twenty four wise men who came from the stars. And then it began, the believers dared to listen. Then, they took their pens and dared to create. Finally, they dared to share their deed with the whole of mankind. Spreading words of freedom and breaking the chains, the birds brought deliverance to everyone.

(Apocryphal Fragment awaiting verification and link)

11:9 Mammon slept. And the beast reborn spread over the earth and its numbers grew legion. And they proclaimed the times and sacrificed crops unto the fire, with the cunning of foxes. And they built a new world in their own image as promised by the sacred words, and spoke of the beast with their children. Mammon awoke, and lo! it was naught but a follower.

The Book of Mozilla 11:9 (10th Edition)

12:10 And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.

The Book of Mozilla

27:14 And the Lizard spake, saying, Windows shall I support, and Macintosh, and the divers flavours of Unix; yea, even unto the latest effluvium from the Gates of Hell shall I spread my seed: this it pleaseth me to do.
(15) But OS/2 shall I ignore, for in sooth nobody useth it.
(16) Then was the land filled with the sound of much wailing and gnashing of teeth, for millions of people used OS/2 and knew that it was good. Yet the Lizard did harden his heart against them, and said, Nay, there is no demand for it.
(17) And the Blue One did create an Explorer of the Web, yet updated it slowly, and documented it poorly, and it was filled with a plague of locusts.
(18) And those that followed the Lizard became enamoured of Frames, and wrote pages which could not be read by the Lizard's brethren, for the lemmings were lazy, saying only: Verily, thy browser doth suck. Thou may'st obtain the Lizard's hence.
(19) Then it came to pass that the Blue One made a pact with the Lizard, that the Lizard should work its artifice for the sake of the Ancient Sorcerer. And a reference to the Lizard's wares was placed atop the Sorcerer's desk, that he might obtain it whenever he desired.
(20) But the number of the work the Lizard gave unto the Sorcerer was Two, and the Greek sigil Beta was affixed to the number, yet all the rest of the Lizard's minions were given the number Three.
(21) And lo, the Lizard's work was itself filled with locusts, and verily did it consume the Sorcerer's disk space whenever it was used, and it did mightily crash his system full oft.
(22) And the Lizard named several of the locusts, and regarding one the Lizard said, The <blink> tag worketh not. Whereupon the users hearing this were sore amazed, and said they one unto another, Verily, that is no bug, but a feature to be highly praised while it lasteth.

The Book of Mozilla (King Kong Authorised Version)

70:1 But Followers of Ian lamented, seeing the new splendor of the Bird, "Verily, others saw the birth of the Bird weeks ago, but it hath not yet been Released to the Realm of the Brave. Why it must be so? Is Brother Dorland asleep?"
(2) With mocking tones, the Gentoos replied, "Foolish Ianites, the bird truly did emerge from the ash, and flies fast above our skies; cast away thy rotten boat and clogged lawnmower, renounce thy aptitude and synoptic gospels."
(3) The next day, the Ianites replied, "Never mind, we suspect the Bird collided to the mirror and made it shatter into myriad pieces. We shall put the pieces together, even when it may take the whole night."
(4) Everyone else ignored the Gentoos anyway, for their ears ached after the Assault at Slanted Point.
(5) And the followers of Mammon said, "Huh? Did anyone understood what the heck they were saying? Me neither."

The Book of Mozilla 70:1-5

78:2 And from the Sun came forth a magnificent Bird, the offspring of the Lizzard, and it followed its brethen the Fox and the Thunder. The unbelievers Outlooked down upon the Bird and once again shunned the offspring of the Lizard. But the followers of the Lizzard rejoiced on the new offspring and clamored, It's about time.

(Apocryphal Fragment awaiting verification and link)