Student WRITINGS ABOUT THE TULLS AT CHRISTMAS
These images come easily and very clearly; I see these are the sights on a Christmas morning in my own lounge room. How grateful I am for cheap treats, Myer windows, Christmas light spotting, the houses on the Boulevard in Ivanhoe and my memories of my own Christmases past because they show me little ways to improve my children's Christmases. Yes, I mourn for my loss and theirs that, together, we are unable to enjoy the Christmases of my youth. (Anita)
I think that the Tull family would have found coping with Beck's failure to return for Christmas easier if they had opened up and accepted other people's goodwill. Then the void Beck left may have been filled to some extent at least. When being without some or all the family, it is important that at least Christmas Day be spent with people who care. (Ben
. . . This sort of Christmas differs greatly to that which the Tulls have every year. It seems they must try to give significance to Christmas but are unable to show their happiness. Since everyone in the Tull family is more reserved and reticent, they limit their excitement towards Christmas. They have probably never had Christmas with a feeling of true warmth, love and the need to give as one usually does at Christmas. They try to pretend they are like everyone else in their spirit of Christmas but I think they too know that inside there is no commitment or true Christmas excitement. (Farhana)
There is much feeling and rivalry between my parents and uncles and aunts; it is quite often jealousy. This is like the case for Pearl Tull's grown children in Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant. For example , when Cody, having married Ruth and having started living away from home and seeing little of his mother, decides not to return home for Christmas. (Phil)
Every Christmas when I was saying my prayers, I used to wonder what would it be like having Dad here; however he never came. The three Tull children: Jenny, Ezra and Cody were wondering the same things at their Christmas celebrations. As Jenny said to her brother the first Christmas after their father left them: "He's really not ever coming home again, is he?" (p 62). This definitely had a negative effect on their perception of what Christmas should be all about. (John)
It could only be detrimental to a family not to have this warm, close-knit atmosphere to help them at Christmas. Perhaps the Tulls would have grown into a much neater outfit with fewer quarrels and shortcomings had they been subject to it. (David)
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March 27, 1990
THE FAMILY AT CHRISTMAS
The family at Christmas time - family structures demonstrated.
I would like now to look at a significant time in the lives of families, crucial in some cases. Just as the family meal is the focus of everyday family life, the gathering of the family at Christmas time reveals significant features about the family structures, values and customs.
At Christmas time when everyone is on best behaviour and the best of everything is on show, the differences between the experienced reality of family life and the ideal are sharpened. Trouble can break out more readily then when high expectations of family life are dashed, when the limits of personal generosity are revealed and when the past is reviewed as another year passes. Christmas time is the test of a family. I think it would be useful to make some observations on Christmas in the set texts. It occurs in Ch 6 (p73) in The Harp in the South, Ch 2 (p60)in Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant, Ch 11 (pp. 73, 254) in My Place, and Ch 8 (p97) in A Loss for Words.
Lou Ann paints a magic picture of her family's happy Christmas in Indianapolis:
"My mother's enthusiasm at Christmas was overwhelming. . . Each one of us was in a different part of the house making surprises, each excited, dreaming of the reactions of the rest. . . The icy tips of the maple branches glistened, reflecting the reds and greens and golds of our lamps. . . Finally it was time for dinner. The lace tablecloth, the silver, the best dishes were laid. We'd even dressed up. And oh, the smells. Each dish, more tantalising than the last, released sweet aromas through the whole house. . . It was Christmas, a celebration holy for the lump it put in our throats, for the exquisite perfection of our happiness. We were home. Together. Warm. Safe." (p98)
But in contrast the Tulls in Baltimore were shopping and somewhat out of sorts.
What contrasts: Ezra the eternal optimist, Jenny loving the nostalgia and Cody the cruel, insensitive, exasperating cynic. But Ezra is not hurt by Cody's sarcasm; he forgives it all as he always does in dreamlike acceptance. Their interpersonal problems persist but the individuals make the best of the situation and instead hide their pain and try to imagine they are like the other Christmas shoppers.
Sally Morgan focuses on the gift of a puppy one Christmas (p. 73). Named Tiger the puppy was the terror of the house and district until it met a fitting end under a bus. Elsewhere (p.253), Gladys recounts her memory of a visit to relatives near the Swan River zoo one Christmas. But her retelling is tinged with sadness for she felt sure she had seen her own mother on another ferry in her usual blue suit. It made her feel closer to her mother but saddened too. In both stories, Christmas gift and Christmas visit are sad. For them, Christmas appears to be a time of memories that are not so happy.
So Christmas despite the higher hopes and expectations is often a period of painful reality and in effect more of the same. For a little celebration loosened Hughie's tongue and hurt Roie's feelings. The Tulls' flaws of character seem to display themselves with even greater effect, and in general the little contrived unity of the family all too soon evaporates too often. I believe our authors show that Christmas is but another episode in families' lives, somewhat memorable for the Walkers for they are happy already but for the Tulls, Milroys and Darcys ultimately more revealing of character faults, enduring authority structures and dull disappointment.
VIEWS ON FAMILY LIFE FROM STUDENTS' WRITINGS 1990
A common question parents ponder over is whether they are being good parents for their children. Are they treating them too harshly perhaps? Possibly they may need to use more discipline. Let me offer my opinions on these questions.
As a child I clearly remember being disappointed quite often when not receiving a lot of things that I dearly wanted. My early family life was one of hardship. We were struggling to maintain a normal standard of living. Due to this fact, my father would not give us what we wanted most of the time, and of course, we would feel deprived compared with other children at school. To enforce a situation where we would not complain, my parents would be very strict on us. We soon learned that it did not matter when we could not obtain what we wanted. We adapted to the fact that we would not have the privileges that other children received from their parents in preference to their friends.
Now as a person in early adulthood, I look back to my childhood with much satisfaction about the way my parents treated me. The discipline has worked to maintain the respect that I have for them. Although perhaps an old-fashioned theory, I believe discipline should be maintained in a family by the parents so as to command respect as the role models. Phil
The family business most definitely has its advantages in that a family member can be trusted more so than an "off the street" employee.. . .Yet too many ill-defined areas within the family exist for it to be a successful alternative management model. . . . The undefined area of responsibility stems back to the family unit whereby the pecking order in a family is usually eldest to youngest.. .
The dependence created between family members is a part of any healthy family. It would seem that when starting a family business, the dependence involved is high. . . It would be difficult to make decisions both personal and in business when those areas of responsibility, levels of commitment and family dependence are not clearly set out. John
". . . many of us who are not involved (in the family business) do sometimes tire of the continual business oriented conversation, but do make an effort to be interested. The father has had many clashed with the son who works in the family firm full time. They were due to the fact that the son wasn't treating the job seriously enough and always at the back of his mind was that he was only working for his Dad! At one stage late last year, Denis had had enough and after many warnings sacked his son. . . It made it extremely hard for all other family members where two people living in the same house were not talking to each other. But after a two month period, Denis re-employed him on a trial run and after these two months off, the son's attitude HAD changed which was just what was needed. . . Kaye
Closed families produce people less socially and personally satisfied. For instance the son or daughter may tell the parent what he can do with the business but the problem is never really resolved. It is deferred until the next opportunity to argue, when there is a clash of interest. This is the immature or impulsive way of dealing with a situation one cannot cope with or dislikes.
"Among the strengths of the small business structure are flexibility and firm direction . . ." But if the family becomes ". . .locked into a particular pattern of inter-family strife . . . and too many unspoken and ill-defined areas of responsibility, commitment and dependence" exist, then family relationships and the business itself may crumble. This is the fate of the closed family. Paul
Some editing liberties have been taken in quotation. Used with the authors' permissions. GS 4/3/90
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