Well known jazz band Tin Fish were not prepared for the the shocking news that it's all over for them. They were prepared for death, as most of them are so old, and one of them was prepared for his wife to come home after running away with the mailman. This affair only lasted six months and the musician, who cannot be named, has been dreading his wife's return ever since he heard on the grapevine that her lover was in a mental hospital and had severe earache.

But on the whole, it was a shock for the Fish to discover that the Verdun pub had been sold and their services were no longer required. They have not, we repeat not, been inundated with requests to play at other venues. Most of them now spend their time staring into space and remembering the good ol' days when they were in the swim.

Tony has taken the news particularly hard, and has 'let himself go' in the most deplorable way. He sits dejectedly outside the front door, saxophone by his side, waiting for somebody to ask him to play. So far nobody, we repeat nobody, has asked.

Staff Reporter Cynthia Bodice was on hand to meet and interview the new arrivals before they even finished unpacking their rather tasteful furniture and well-groomed cat. But finding them to be a terribly well-adjusted, pleasant and friendly couple with no obvious psychoses or quirky ideas or missing brain cells, Cynthia soon gave up in disgust, realising there is no story here.

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........SHORT SNORTS........

A father in Nairne recently refused to answer his young son's question on where bacon comes from, as the boy has a small pig for a pet.

An aging man in Dumbbell Pass confided in the local doctor's receptionist that he no longer finds porn movies or any mass media trash entertaining or humorous anymore. And has not done so for some time.

Ric Parr, an 18 year old theology student of the Mount Barker Seminary of the Blessed Light of Echunga, recently failed by just thirty minutes in an attempt to break the world record for sitting in a tub of ketchup.

A 27 year old man of no fixed abode was rushed to Mt Barker Hospital in a critical condition after police found him nude and unconscious beneath a tree in Nairne with four oranges and a partly eaten apple. Police speculated that he fell while trying to juggle with the oranges while naked and eating the apple.

The South Australian government, in their attempt to fight illiteracy, have been wondering about the failure of their billboard campaign which read' If you can't read this we can help'

Carpenter Paul Carpenter accidentally shot himself in the head with his nail gun thereby nailing his baseball hat to his head. 'I didn't actually feel it going in', Paul said, adding 'I tried to take my hat off and it wouldn't come off.'